How many words does it take to say "stuff you"?

A friend of mine received an email from his manager, to whom he replied as follows:

From: Manager X
Subject: Monday Morning Attendance

Good Afternoon,

It has been noted that you were late/did not attend to Monday the 16th of March weekly firm meeting. Can you please explain why you were late or did not attend?

Thanks

To: Manager X
Subject RE: Monday Morning Attendance


Dear Manager X,

Yes, I am able to explain why I was late.

I was late to the Monday morning firm meeting on the 16th of March because as I was getting ready to leave my house and get on the train, I was unable to locate my wallet. I looked on my desk, where I usually leave it, and it wasn’t there. I subsequently checked my bedside table, and it wasn’t there either! At this point, I started to get a bit concerned, as if my wallet isn’t in any of these places, chances are I’ve probably misplaced it. (I don’t usually lose things, as I’m a pretty observant individual.) Anyway, so after checking my bedside table, I checked the TV stand in my room, but it wasn’t there. I went downstairs and checked the kitchen table, (I usually have heaps of stuff on it, so I had to look under all the papers), and I still couldn’t find it. At this point I was starting to worry a bit more. I thought to myself, ‘where did I last leave my wallet?’ Then I realized that I probably left it in the car, as I have been known to do this before. I quickly ran down to the car and had a look inside, but to no avail, no wallet. I ran back upstairs, and now I’m really starting to get panicked. Losing a wallet is a really big deal! I started to think about all the things in my wallet that I would have to replace, all my credit cards, drivers license, AFL membership, FlyBuys card (but lets face it, nobody ever gets anything decent from FlyBuys.) I considered calling the credit card company to stop my credit cards, but then I decided that this was probably premature, as it’s only been lost for about 10 minutes.

I just bought that wallet, it was really expensive, and I really liked it. I got it from a website that I like called www.rushfaster.com.au. Excellent site. Well, I got back in my house, and went straight back to the most likely place it would be, my desk. I checked there again, in a bit more detail, but alas it was still not there. I was very annoyed at this stage, and I considered calling my friend Helena, as she was the last person who saw me with my wallet, as we went out to lunch on Sunday. I decided that calling her would be a waste of time as she is not going to be able to tell me where my wallet is. Suddenly, I had a brainwave! Maybe I left it in my jeans! So I rushed off to check my jeans that were hanging on the stairs. I picked them up, and shook them around in a nervous panic but there was nothing solid in them. The wallet was not present. I thought wow, I can’t believe I’ve lost my wallet.

I decided to get on the internet and check my bank balance to see if anyone had used my credit cards. My online banking balance didn’t seem to have any strange transactions on it, so I felt a bit more comfortable that perhaps my wallet was not yet lost. At this point, I figured, I suppose I better just leave, and goto work without my wallet. I had some coins downstairs in the kitchen, where I keep a box of spare change that I could grab in order to buy myself a train ticket. I keep that box of coins there because I don’t like keeping coins in my wallet. I found sometime ago that they severely shorten the life of my wallets, as they break the seams when I put too many coins in there. I decided that before I leave, I’ll just check the main places one more time, so I again checked my desk, my bedside table, my TV stand, kitchen table, and jeans, still, the wallet was nowhere to be found.

A small sense of acceptance crept over me, as I pondered that fact that it could have been worse. I wasn’t carrying much cash on me, and credit cards and licenses are easily replaced. If there was a good time to lose a wallet, this was probably it. I sat down to my computer desk and reluctantly gave up. As I sat down, I noticed that under a CD on my desk was hiding my little black wallet. I cursed myself and my lack of observation, ran out the door to catch the train, relieved that I had been saved some significant inconvenience.

To answer your question as to why I was late to the Monday morning meeting this week….… I slept in.

Regards,